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Articles
by Steven Abel and Kenneth Neumann
 "Using child support guidelines is not for everyone. An alternative that has been used a number of times in mediations done through the Center for Mediation & Training divides child-related expenses into two categories:
A expenses -- for regular, recurring expenses, and
B expenses -- for irregular, or non-recurring expenses...."
by Howard Yahm
 "The most difficult impasses in mediation are generally based upon unresolved emotional issues within or between the parties. At these times, a mediator simply focusing on the facts or the content of the case cannot enable the couple to move beyond this stalemate; rather, the mediator must often understand their emotions in order to break the impasse. We have come to recognize that divorce is a regression inducing experience resulting in heightened emotions that would not normally be typical for the person. We need to learn how to approach these emotional reactions without performing psychotherapy. The term regressed in this context means that people are re-experiencing aspects of earlier events and reacting to them and functioning on a younger or earlier developmental level than they might otherwise were they not experiencing the multiple stressors of the divorce process...."
by Steven Abel
 "An older, divorcing couple rarely has more than one or two assets worth more than their Social Security rights. After a house and pension/retirement plans, Social Security is their next largest "asset." Yet it is rarely considered by their lawyers, mediators, nor the parties themselves. In fact few divorce lawyers know much more than the oft-quoted rule that each party vests in the other's Social Security account after 10 years of marriage, so that even a non-working spouse can collect some benefits. In fact, there is much more to Social Security...."
Guest: Steven Abel, Divorce Mediator
 The following are excerpts from the viewer call-in portion of the program.
What Is Divorce Mediation?
Prenuptial Agreements And Mediation Essential Elements Of Mediation
What If One Side Is Unwilling To Participate In Mediation?
How Long Does Mediation Take?
Mediation And Child Support Agreements The Different Styles Of Mediation Tips For Successful Divorce Mediation. |
"Untying the Knot,"
by Melanie Thernstrom
 Following are excerpts from the article:
...The insight of mediation is that neither party's satisfaction bears a definite relation to the settlement's dollar amount, and therefore the mediator should not focus on a monetary figure -- as litigators do -- but on how money figures. Thus the solution that emerged in mediation to Kate and Max's stalemate was actually a mental shift: instead of thinking that Max was plundering her savings, could Kate imagine choosing to give him a supplement -- for a certain length of time -- for rent and other expenses so that he could continue the lifestyle they had developed together? The idea indeed was much more palatable to Kate -- even if the amount she might end up paying would be around the same amount Max had asked for in the first place. Even working with that concept, though, the details of the settlement took many more sessions to hash out.,,,
by Steven Abel 
"In an important child support decision, the New York State Court of Appeals (the state's highest court), has decided that custodial parents are entitled to cost of living adjustments (increasing agreed upon child support), unless their agreement specifically waives the right to a cost of living adjustment. In the case of Tompkins County Support Collection Unit v. Chamberlin,the court held that the Mother should receive $149.62 per week, rather than the $57 per week provided for in the parties' agreement. The court's decision not to follow the agreement is sure to create some uncertainty about many previously signed agreements, as well as how to avoid the same kind of result in the future. This brief article will look at how the court got to its conclusion, and how to deal with cost of living adjustments in future mediations and agreements."
by Carol Simkin
 "Based on my 29 years of experience representing parties in litigation and my more recent training and practice in the understanding-based model of mediation, I agree litigation is sometimes necessary but I could not disagree more strongly that litigation is usually a preferable method for dispute resolution, either for women or men, or that in litigation women can be more aggressive or are more likely to have their needs met.Indeed, in this mediation model, all participants, including women who are caught in power imbalances, not only have the opportunity but the responsibility to fully articulate their needs and to allow the other parties to do likewise. The mediation process itself is designed to create a safe environment where the mediator's function is to support and validate each of the parties in this effort......"
by Steven Abel
 This article reviews the possible ways divorcing couples can handle their house, and presents the major considerations for and against each option. It points out the capital gains tax rules, the tax rules for transfer of property between spouses, the tax rules for deductions related to houses. Also included are Worksheets you can use to estimate what happens on sale and possible taxes. Lastly selected parts of the tax law and regulations are included if you want to dig more deeply yourself.
by Kenneth Neumann
 "We mediators have done our job and now we can go home after our long struggle to get divorce lawyers to clean up their act and to offer people a better way to get divorced. After all it was mediation that inspired the creation of Collaborative Law. Lawyers now realize that perhaps what they had been doing all along wasn’t really helping their clients. And with this new procedure, Collaborative Law they can once again assume their proper place as the champions of those needing assistance to get divorced."
by Steven Abel
 "To answer the question of how legal is a legal separation, I'm reminded of the saying that "possession is nine-tenths of the law." A signed separation agreement also is nine-tenths of the law. But what is the other tenth? The other tenth is having a good lawyer. Because if you want to wrest possession, you need a good lawyer, and if you want to upset a separation agreement, you need a good lawyer. On average, the agreement is going to hold."
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